I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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