I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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