Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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