she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
