Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
