I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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