i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
