If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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