I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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