I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
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