before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
