i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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