She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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