new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
