I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
