I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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