My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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