It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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