U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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