Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
