dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize