sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
