He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
