i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
