Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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