Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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