Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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