I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
