mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
