You're completely useless in the revolution.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
