so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize