They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
