i think my tv is drunk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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