Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize