South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
