It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
