I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
