Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
