Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
