i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish i was in the wii world.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
