I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
