I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
