I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
