is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
