He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
