Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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