Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize