i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
