I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm going to jail i love you
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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