Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
