well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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