so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
