Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
