his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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