I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize