Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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