a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
