she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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