Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
