I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
