He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize