Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
