I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pappa wants mamma naked
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
