i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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