i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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