i already hear my dad disowning me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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