we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
