She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
