I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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