just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
