I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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