the condom got lost in my hair
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
