hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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