two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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