i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
