i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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