and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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