Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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