I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
