how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
