Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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