Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
