I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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