I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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