He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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