Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
