I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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