I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
