His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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