I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
