One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
