Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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