Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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