She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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