I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
