if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize