I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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