Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's never too late to be topless.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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