well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
handjob tips. give me some.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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