did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
