My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
