I will die if light touches me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
