No stitches, just platelets and will power
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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